So, my family is not the "norm". When the time came, I had the better paying job, so Brady was the stay at home dad. When the cost of daycare outweighed the income, we decided he would stay at home with the kids. Our stereo typical gender roles were swapped. I was the one who brought home the bacon, he was the one who cooked it. Brady took care of the house and the kids. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am sooo not domesticated. I can’t cook. *Gasp* I know, a woman who doesn’t cook! Well Brady became the cook of the family as well. He would have dinner ready for when I got home from work. This is what my kids got used to as the "norm".
I was at Church on Father’s Day (I know, gasping again! - it was for my kids at the request of my SIL.) Well I was slightly offended by a poem my SIL read to the congregation about Father’s and how they provide for the family. I am the provider for my family. I pay the bills, put the food (that Brady cooks) on the table, and take care of all our needs. I know there are many single Moms out there and even some Stay at Home Dads. The world is changing, and I had the proof thrown up in my face two nights ago.
I was talking with my 7 year old daughter. I don’t remember what exactly brought it up, but she said, when she gets older, she will come visit me all the time. I told her she can come visit me anytime she wants. Well she said, "when can I come?" So I told her she could "come cook me dinner on Sunday after Church." (She is the Church go-er.) She made this awkward face, and said, "Oh I don’t know, I guess I will have to bring my husband." To which I burst out laughing! She thought it was the Man that does the cooking! This made me think of Women’s Lib at work in the extreme! It was all she has known. She was not spoiled with the old way of thinking that a woman’s place is in the home, preparing meals for her man. She thought it totally natural that the man be able to prepare the food, and assumed she would not know how to cook! I re-assured her that Daddy would teach her to cook, and by then she would know how, and she could cook me dinner. (Or that I would gladly let her husband cook it, if that be the situation for her!)
Some might think this atrocious, and to them I say again, the world is changing. I have not forced any liberal thoughts on my child. I simply raised her in a house where we made it work for us. Someone needed to take care of the home and the children, and my husband was the better option at the time, financially. I am proud to be able to provide for my family, and break traditional gender roles. It paves the way for further change. Long live the Man Cookers of the world! Love you Chloë!!
So, my comment is a note I wrote on facebook a few years back:
ReplyDeleteSince becoming a Christian, my beliefs about a woman's role have changed. I have strong beliefs about this, and feel that we as modern day Americans miss God's intended roles for us. I want to quote the book I am reading, called Choosing God's Best, wisdom for lifelong romance by Dr. Don Raunikar:
Although it is true that we live in a new day of women working outside the home, most women still have what seems to be a natural desire to be provided for by their husbands. While women may enjoy volunteering for church or charity activities or even getting a job to make extra money, the majority like such opportunities on a voluntary, extracurricular basis. They don’t appreciate being forced to make money or lead the household. In fact, they feel insecure when they are not being taken care of properly. Security is close to the top on a woman’s list of needs.
A nationwide survey conducted by USA Today revealed that among households with two parents present, 73 percent of the respondents would prefer one of the parents stay at home with the children if money were not an issue.
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Very few married couples in today’s world seem able to make it financially without both partners being employed for some part of their marriage. The job is the prime concern in many families. More men than ever before have been reared by mothers who worked outside the home, and these men generally have come to expect their wives to have jobs and share responsibility for financial burdens.
On the other hand, many women in today’s world have finished college and invested $30,000 to $40,000 in career training. They’re ready for a job. They want the role of wife and mother, but they also want to take advantage of career opportunities. Trying to develop themselves in both work and marriage simultaneously can produce inner tension in a woman because the role expectations are opposite in these two areas of life.
What would happen in the career world if a woman were warm, emotional, expressive, noncompetitive, and supportive? Conversely, what would happen in her marriage if she were controlling, pushing, self-assertive, competitive, and dominant? Do you see the problem? It is difficult to switch roles. The woman has to create two different lives at once. Many women decide to remove themselves from one of these roles just to decrease the tension in their lives. They either quit their job or their marriage. Men do not encounter these problems because they are expected to exhibit the same characteristics in both marriage and occupation, so their tension and ambivalence are less.
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Today’s mothers are the test cases. What we may have learned from their experience is that women really can’t have it all, even when the opportunities are abundant. The role expectations of a career are opposite to those of family life, and the resulting tension may be a larger contributor to divorce than we know. Research by Andrew Greeley and the National Opinion Research Center found that, when lifestyle conditions are statistically accounted for, working mothers are more likely than homemakers to get divorced.
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